If you’re looking to move to Portland and you love the suburban home you have.

Don’t move here.

If you hate coffee, tea, beer or other related craft beverages.

Don’t move here.

If you’re looking to move to Portland because of a job, and don’t like to be outdoors.

Don’t move here.

If you’re looking to move to Portland because you like sunny weather, heat, snow, or clear skies.

Don’t move here.

If you like owning automobiles as a hobby.

Don’t move here.

If you don’t like bicycles, bicycling, or being around bicyclists.

Really don’t move here.

If you hate walking or being active throughout the course of a day.

Don’t move here.

If you don’t like transit options, hate Riding Transit or think trains are dumb.

Don’t move here.

If you like to spend a lot of time in your car.

Don’t move here.

If you love Republican ideology.

Don’t move here.

If you hate being involved in community, in the neighborhood or knowing your neighbors.

Don’t move here.

If any of these things are core tenants in your life, you’ll hate it living in the city of Portland. However, you probably could move to Beaverton, Gresham or one of the metropolitan suburbs and maybe be ok. But even the suburbs here are different in many ways than standard American suburbs. You’ll likely still be involved in your neighborhood. You’ll probably decrease the amount of driving you do even outside of the city in the suburbs here.

Tomorrow, I’ll line up the reasons why someone interested in moving to Portland may actually want to do just that. Until then, it’s raining again so I’m gonna go ride the MAX with my bike in it and then grab a drink os some coffee. Cheers!